We all are pretty much doing what we want to do as far as relationships go. If you are super young and reading this it is good information to have and take to heart. We have the fantasy of what a relationship should look like and then there’s real life. Every “right now” moment is how we are in a relationship. Look at your relationship with your parents, siblings, teachers, friends and boss and you will know how you are in a relationship. This can change as you mature but make sure you are aware that you should be maturing and that relationships are work. Don’t go into them with your head in the sand and your heart on your sleeve.
I planned on always being single because I tend to be very single-minded. When it comes to helping others I am more focused on them but when it comes to me, I want to be me without any interference. Of course, I didn’t stick with my thoughts of being single forever and ended up married with a son. No regrets since God gave me the gift of bringing a good person into the world.
However, the truth about me remains the same as it has been since the beginning. I don’t fit into the mold of being a follower or having someone tell me how to be me. For me, it seems that relationships are all about changing the other person to fit into their “ideal” partner mold. I have no desire to change anyone else so I expect the same treatment. It has not been so and has taught me, the hard way, to go with my gut and what I know is right for me.
My married friends and family have the advantage of having another human to share their lives with and someone to help them zip up their dress or help them clasp their bracelet. They can eat meals together and have a routine. If their car breaks down they can call the other for help. In most cases, of successful marriages, they start thinking alike and do almost everything together. They are very blessed to have this partnership and should be feeling grateful.
As a single person who is “unique” and has been there and done that, I find myself feeling kind of sorry for married people. It is a two-edged sword. When you get married, whatever age you were when you started the relationship, usually is the age your emotional state is frozen. This post is all based on my opinion. I am in no way making scientific claims or quoting a psychologist.
When you are single you are allowed to think for yourself. Married people do not relate to this concept and must help the single-minded person. For instance, ask any single person about how many times their married friends have tried to set them up with someone they know. Most of society really believes that a single person is lonely and sad and needs to find a mate.
This is not always the case and I wish my peeps could embrace my singleness and cheer me on. Though I do have one friend in particular who has told me for many years that I am happier when I am not in a relationship. More specifically a relationship with the opposite sex who is determined to change me but they get to stay the same.
I’m not dogging the married or partnered people. Just really wish they could step out of their cocoon and see clear enough to review the facts. Not everyone is wired for the “two become one” life. I’m such a fan of marriage and people getting along in a peaceful setting that it is kind of hypocritical for me to not want what I want for my friends. The truth is, I want my friends to be happy. If being part of a partnership/marriage makes them happy then I am happy. Now I need them to be happy for me no matter my relationship status.
The things I am grateful for as a “single”;
Going where I want to, when I want to. Dressing how I want to. Making life decisions that if I regret later, I can’t blame on anyone else. Go to church every Sunday if I want to. Skipping church if I want to. Being able to work as many hours as possible without someone missing me. See movies I actually want to see. Watch TV shows I really want to watch. Eating the food I actually like. Being able to speak to anyone I want to in public. Smiling if I want to and not walking on eggshells because someone else is in a bad mood. Skipping breakfast. Eating breakfast for dinner.
Yes, the argument can be made for the joy you get from sharing all these things with someone else. I can do that with friends and/or significant other that I am just dating/friends and be just fine. I’m also enjoying practicing my boundaries and knowing that I can say “No” and not worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. Those decisions matter and time is of essence in this phase of my life.
My warped idea of a relationship has remained the same but nobody seems to agree with me. The way we treat our friends is the way we should treat our partner. It should be like the most respectful relationship you have and your job is to make each other’s life more bearable and if possible find peace and happiness together. That is a foreign concept to most marriages so it doesn’t work for me.
In summary, I am happy for my married/partner peeps and my single peeps. I believe we are where we want to be. Sometimes we trick ourselves into thinking we want to be over there where the grass is greener but in reality we are where we want to be. Embrace it, live in it and if you are truly miserable, seek help. If that doesn’t work, do some mind/body/soul work and figure out who you really are and go with that.
In the meantime, I am single and loving it. Be happy for me. 🙂